Let’s Talk Miscarriage

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{My positive test from 5 weeks ago}

Last week I had my second miscarriage (my first was 3 months before I got pregnant with Clifford) and I wanted to write a post on this because I’ve been noticing a lot of people opening up about their miscarriages in recent years. The funny thing is, it never even occurred to me to keep mine a secret! Anytime the subject of family planning or pregnancy comes up in my daily life, I am an open book and I don’t hesitate to let anyone and everyone know that I have miscarried. Frankly, I’m proud to be on the other side of something so crappy and I’m probably a better mother for it. Everyone is different and some prefer to keep their reproductive history private, but there’s no shame in my sharing game and I want to share why.

For me, it almost feels good to talk about my miscarriage story. Probably because once I mention it, every single person I’ve talked to has either responded with “I miscarried too” or “my friend/mother/grandmother/sister/coworker miscarried”. Those words have instantly made me feel less alone and also surprised me because it made miscarriage seem so common. After I experienced my first miscarriage, I just could not believe the number of women in my life who let me know they too had miscarried. I’ve also read a couple of pregnancy books that have touched on the topic and the proof is in the science: it’s not your fault! I think a lot of the shame revolving around miscarriage lies here. The most common cause is a chromosomal abnormality. It’s completely random so it could happen to anybody and you are not the cause of an error in cell division or inaccurate number chromosomes. Sometimes miscarriage can be caused by an incompetent cervix or something like that, but your doctor can pinpoint the problem and help to correct it.

I’ll leave you with this one last thought of mine: perfect is boring. I have no problem sharing where my flaws lie because, in our world of digital sharing, we could all post the good times and look perfect from our feeds. But who does that help? No one!! I want you to know: I have miscarried. Twice. I have no idea why and frankly I don’t really care. It’s like a break up: it was him/her, not me. HA! I got through it (the first with a D&C, the second with misoprostol. Both missed miscarriages) and I went about my life because shit happens and, to be completely honest, a lot worse things could happen to me. I’m ridiculously grateful (like, beyond words) to have my perfect little boy. I worry sometimes that I won’t be able to have another one. Miscarrying will do that to you. But worst case scenario I would use medical means to bring baby number 2 (maybe 3??) into the world and get through that somehow too because women are the strongest beings on the planet!!! And don’t you forget it!

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